


Heartstrings

by jade_lil



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Romantic Fluff, Sakumoto - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-10 04:40:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14730119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jade_lil/pseuds/jade_lil
Summary: He won't say it - he can't - but he's at this point where he looks at Jun and thinks,you deserve the world, and one day, i'll find out how to give it to you.





	Heartstrings

**Author's Note:**

> Established relationship though they're just starting - there's awkwardness and Jun's penchant for the dramatics. I rate this fluff with - 10 for horrible and 8.5 for the mush, and OHMYGOD, NO SMUT, WHAT?

Originally posted in LJ [HERE](https://ohmiya-haven.livejournal.com/141748.html)

 

He doesn't say it but sometimes, just sometimes, being with drunk Jun, sucks.  
  
It's not even the (slight) drunkenness that annoys him, but the fact that Jun likes to act that he is, even though they both know he isn't. Five cans of beer aren't enough to get him drunk before, and Sho is certain that's not even remotely possible now.  
  
He watches, amused, as Jun fake-wobbles his way inside, leaving Sho there to deal with the door, while he adorably scratches at his butt. It's funny how Jun thinks he's doing a fairly good impression of how a drunk person acts because he's not, because Sho's seen Jun drunk a handful of times to know the difference.  
  
It's all an act and Sho will eat his own tie if he is told otherwise, crossing his arms over his chest, watching Jun carefully avoiding bumping into a nearby chair. The living room is still a cluttered mess - what with the left-over of tonight's impromptu dinner with the rest of Arashi - and Sho wonders if Jun has plans on clearing it out tonight despite his "condition" until he realized Jun is actually walking past it towards the direction of the bedroom, while tugging his shirt off.  
  
Sho would have considered it accidental if not for the fact that the shirt actually landed on the living room floor where Sho can see it.  
  
Shaking his head, Sho glances back to the door to make sure he'd locked it, knowing for certain that he won't be able to go home tonight like he thought he would.  
  
  
++  
  
  
He finds Jun lingering at the open bedroom door, hands shove in his jeans' pockets and grinning. He doesn't seem  all surprised to find Sho standing there, even though Sho is certain he's about to act like he is. Sho's got Jun's shirt on one hand, picking it up from the floor on his way here, his jacket on the other.  
  
"Oh," Jun exclaims, feigning surprise, and Sho rolls his eyes mentally in answer. Jun's eyes are unusually round and bright, and his mouth quirks knowingly at Sho's presence.  
  
"I thought you already left,"  
  
Sho's heartstrings twist just the tiniest bit but he doesn't let it deter him. Jun can be awfully blunt sometimes, after all, even though most of the time, he doesn't mean to. Sho's learned it all the hard way, but he's still here.  
  
Because inspite of it all, he knows he wouldn't prefer it any other way.  
  
"Nah," Sho chuckles, stepping forward inside just far enough so he could throw Jun's shirt and his jacket on the bed without going further, before stepping back and finding Jun's hip to hold on to.  
  
"You're drunk," he mumbles, lips mostly against Jun's mouth, "and I honestly feel bad about leaving you to deal with all those mess on your living room on your own so, I stayed."  
  
"I can clean those in the morning, don't worry."  
  
"No, I'll take care of it."  
  
"You're not touching my stuff, Sakurai, so no. Leave it. I'll take care of it tomorrow."  
  
"Does this mean I should leave?"  
  
"No." Jun huffs, low in his throat, and Sho knows he'll be the first to break. He could already feel the weight of it lingering around his thighs, straining through the fabric of his jeans. The air between them is hot it is almost suffocating, and they're barely even touching.  
  
Jun rolls his hips just the slightest bit, probably just to readjust their positions but the movement is enough to set Sho's blood on fire.  
  
"Jun," he whispers, fingers landing on Jun's hips for dear life as he leans in for a kiss.  
  
  
++  
  
  
"No," says Jun, and Sho rolls his eyes in answer, purses his lips and backs Jun hard against the wall.  
  
Jun smirks but says nothing, and despite the fact that he's the one who has Jun trapped against the wall, supposedly helpless, it sure feels like it's the other way around.  
  
"You like saying that," Sho grits, without heat, but his body is a different matter altogether. Like this, it's too easy to roll his hips unto Jun and let the younger man feel how obviously worked up he is, how badly he wants to simply put his hands around Jun, though he doesn't.  
  
Jun likes to be difficult, Sho realized this after about the first twenty times Jun refused to be touched despite his eyes and hands saying something else, but Sho takes pride in being the one who knows how to push all of Jun's buttons till Jun is shaking with it, all ready to strike Sho until Sho breaks all his defenses down with just the tiniest of kisses.  
  
"Really?"  
  
Sho smirks and lets his hand wander behind Jun to cop a feel, . Jun's eyes never leave his, teeth biting into his lower lip as Sho squeezes, possessively, and grounds his hips up deliberately.  
  
"Really."  
  
It won't take much, or long, but Sho likes the build up as much as he likes everything else. This way, he gets to watch Jun closely, enjoy every single change in the way Jun looks at him, hear the subtle differences on the way Jun breathes Sho's name like he can't exactly help it.  
  
He wouldn't say this out loud, or even admit it to himself straight up (drunk or sober, he doesn't have to) but Jun's got him all chained up inside for the younger man. Jun smiles and Sho feels so damn lucky to be alive, like he can't even believe he's that lucky. Jun says his name and all Sho could think about is the way his insides tremble with emotion he could hardly contain from just the sound of his name tumbling out of Jun's lips, the way the syllables roll off his tongue like a caress.  
  
He won't say it - he can't - but he's at this point where he looks at Jun and thinks, _you deserve the world, and one day, i'll find out how to give it to you._  
  
He doesn't say it, not now, and maybe he won't, ever, but it doesn't change the fact that he wants to, and that he means it. Jun deserves more, more than Sho could give him, even more than what he settles for because of Sho, but one day, Sho will make it happen.  
  
After all, Jun gave him more than enough in return.  
  
It's just fair to want to give back at least part of it to make Jun happy.  
  
And he will.  
  
Sho swears that he will.  
  
"Really," he whispers, and leans in for a kiss.  
  
  
++  
  
It didn't take them long to migrate inside, despite the slight difficulty.  
  
Jun wouldn't let go of him even when he absolutely had to, and Sho had to laugh at the apparent silliness of it all. They were finally on the bed roughly fifteen minutes later, making out like horny teens and giggling about it every time they pull apart.  
  
"Hey," he says, breathless, as he braces himself above Jun. There's just so much to say, but he finds that he can't, not when Jun is staring back up at him like he'd rather have Sho kiss him than talk.  
  
"No," Jun says, repeating what could be his favorite catch-phrase when he's conversing with Sho. Sho chuckles, watching Jun watch him, as he eyes Jun's face longingly.  
  
They haven't been like this for long that such closeness still make Sho tingle all the fuck over. The fact that Jun allows Sho to be this close without flinching is a wonder all of its own, something that Sho knows he won't ever get tired of being grateful for.  
  
He reaches up to brush Jun's cheek with his thumb, while he manfully braces himself over Jun with one arm. Jun's skin is warm under Sho's touch, his eyes dark, his lips full and moist.  
  
The sight of him there on the bed, pinned under Sho's weight, is enough to make Sho ache fiercely with want.  
  
"You -" he says, and closes his eyes when Jun chuckles, barely audible through the pounding of Sho's blood in his ears. There's so much he wants to say, but he doesn't know where to begin and how to, he honestly doesn't.  
  
"No." says Jun, but this time, the tiny, almost unrecognizable twitch of his lips doesn't escape Sho's attention.  
  
He cups Jun's cheek and leans down to press his lips against Jun's temple in answer, firm but careful, unable to form words. They've known each other for so long, and it honestly feels like they've been friends and co-workers for much longer, but it's seriously the first time that Sho feels more than a little lost around Jun.  
  
What does he mean, really?, Sho wonders, even when he knows the answer. He's doubting himself right now, despite the fact that he knows what it means. Jun says NO in answer to almost everything Sho dares to ask,  but now -  
  
"It means, 'don't stop', you idiot," mumbles Jun, raggedly, into Sho's neck, before Sho feels Jun's hands worming around the back of his head to pull him in. Sho doesn't dare say anything and just lets it happen, closes his eyes just in time for their mouths to touch to savor the moment.  
  
  
++  
  
  
"You need to stop doing that," he tells Jun much later, when they're comfortably tucked under the covers and Jun is making himself a huge nuisance by pinching Sho's nipples playfully. He hopes Jun gets the double meaning of it, though he thinks Jun getting the literal one would be nice, too.  
  
"What?" asks Jun as he circles Sho's left nipple with his thumb and forefinger and gives it a twist. Sho shrieks and bats Jun's hand away.  
  
"That,"  
  
"Oh," Jun says, and reaches over obviously to do it again. Sho catches Jun's hand before Jun manages to.  
  
"Stop,"  
  
Jun's brow twitches. "So, you're allowed to do that to me, multiple times in the last hour, but I can't?"  
  
Sho bumps their foreheads together in answer, shaking his head at the sense-memory of doing that and more to Jun prior. Somehow, it's safe to say that the drunken act earlier was just that - an act - to make Sho stay, but Sho honestly values his life (and his dignity) to decide to not voice that fact out loud.  
  
"That's different," he says, keeping Jun's questing hand in his grasp. It requires effort, especially when they both know Jun is, and will always be, stronger than him - physically, at least - and Sho could do is try.  
  
Jun huffs. "How so?" Jun mutters, still wriggling his hand out of Sho's hold. Sho does what he normally wouldn't under normal circumstances, tugging Jun in roughly and kissing him to make him stop.  
  
Thankfully, Jun does.  
  
Jun is quiet when Sho pulls away to breathe, and if Sho is honest about, Jun is even smiling a little. Just that, just the sight of it is enough to make Sho ache even more inside, in his chest, around the general vicinity of his heart. He can't help it, he leans in again for another kiss, this time softer, tamer than the last, and pulls back just quickly as he had leaned in to stare at Jun, to bring his hand against Jun's jaw to hold him steady.  
  
"You kept saying no," he says, subtly changing the subject now that Jun is quiet and pliant next to him again, his voice even despite the slight tremor rocking his soul at Jun's silence. "and it honestly terrified me."  
  
The switch obviously surprised Jun, making him shift so he is on his side, facing Sho.  
  
He doesn't say anything though, so Sho treats that silence as his cue to continue.  
  
"You kept saying NO," he continues, "and I thought you meant you don't want me here. That I should leave. That I couldn't hold you anymore, touch you, or kiss you-" he pauses, closes his eyes and will the words to come out even when it's hard.  
  
"And it scared me. It honestly terrified me to think that you - that you don't want me anymore."  
  
There's silence after that, heavy and discomfiting, and Sho almost, almost regretted even opening his mouth to talk. At least until he realized Jun is moving and putting Sho's head in a headlock, chuckling warmly into Sho's head even when Sho is wheezing in shock.  
  
"You're stupid, stupid, stupid," Jun keeps saying, but not without so much fondness as he rolls around till he's on top of Sho and pinning Sho down with his weight on the bed. "Stupid, what do you mean I don't want you here? You're stupid, I'd have asked you to move in if I knew you wouldn't say no, stupid! You're so dumb, I sweart to God -"  
  
"W-Wait, wait, wait - what?"  
  
"Do you have any idea how long I've wanted this? You and me?" Jun grits, hands gripping Sho's arms tightly, his face mere centimeters away from Sho's. It's distracting, almost as much as Jun's weight above him, as much as the warmth of Jun's bare skin against his own.  
  
"Of course you don't," Jun says, answering his own question, "I knew it was just me. And if there is anyone who should be terrified about all this," Jun follows, eyes shut tightly as he lowers his head slowly to rest his face against the hollow space between Sho's neck and shoulder.  
  
"It's me, Sho-san." Jun whispers. "You don't know what you're saying, what you're even asking me. I - This - I've wanted this, for so long, that I couldn't even believe it when it happened. I just couldn't. Even when you're here with me, even when you're kissing me, I just - I'm scared."  
  
Jun breathes, harshly, into Sho's skin and Sho chooses to remain still, shock beyond words as Jun tries to convey Sho's own fear using words Sho couldn't be man enough to come up with ever since all of this started.  
  
"I said No then, too, you remember?" asks Jun, but his voice is gentler, softer, that Sho's heart aches with it. "I said no a lot of times but you're still there, so I told myself, what if I keep on telling you No, would you stop? Would you leave? Would you realize in the end that this isn't what you need?"  
  
God, but what are the odds? Sho's had the same thoughts in his head for the longest time, and he'd repeatedly asked himself the same thing from that night he and Jun went for it, because, how could he not? They're not the same people they were once when they were younger, but does that mean they could do it better this time around?  
  
He's apparently not that brave, considering the fact that he still couldn't bring himself to admit, especially to the other three, that he and Jun are together, fucking finally, but he knows that part of it is because he's not sure if it's allowed.  
  
Jun himself hadn't made a move to inform Sho that he wants to make it official, the relationship at least, so Sho had no other choice but to just leave it be.  
  
Well, right now, though, he realized he probably shouldn't have.  
  
"Jun -" he says, working his fingers through Jun's hair. Jun submits to this wholeheartedly, and Sho will never not be amazed at the way Jun succumbs to his touch like he's always meant to, the way he allows Sho's own arms around him to welcome him in.  
  
He shifts and Jun does, too, until he's no longer trapped under Jun's weight, but instead lying on his side with Jun cocooned in his arms, nuzzling Sho's chest softly.  
  
"If you're leaving, now's the perfect time to say so," mutters Jun, though he doesn't make a move to let go himself. Sho smiles because he can't help it, turning so he could gingerly plant kisses after kisses to the top of Jun's head softly.  
  
"Do you want me to?" he asks, but his arm tighten considerably around Sho without him realizing it.  
  
"No," Jun says, and Sho realized he is smiling despite himself. It's that word again, the same damn thing that gets thrown around repeatedly between them when they're talking, everytime bearing a different meaning that Sho wonders if he's ever going to be able to convince Jun to stop using it.  
  
But maybe, he doesn't have to. Maybe, they simply need to compromise, understand each other and just be there for each other. They're still learning, both of them, about being together like this. It's going to be difficult from here on, but Sho is certain it's going to be worth it in the end - every fight, every misgivings - knowing that they both want this so badly.  
  
Jun might still tell him NO at every turn, would still act like he doesn't care when it's actually the opposite, and maybe, there will come a time when Sho will feel sick of it, but just for a moment. He knows that even then, he won't ever think of giving this all up in favor of leaving, knowing that this, right here next to Jun, is where he knows he wants to be.  
  
He pulls Jun closer and uses his free hand to cup Jun's chin to raise his face up till they're nose to nose, loving the way Jun simply lets it happen without another word. He lets his fingers run over and across Jun's face gently - from his brows to the bridge of his nose to the proud cheekbones, ending his exploration on the beauty marks above and below Jun's lips with purpose.  
  
"Then I'm staying," he says, and smiles around the word as Jun does the same. It's funny, how things could be so simple when they're actually not, when they're previously not aware how to proceed from here on because they're so bad at communicating.  
  
Jun chuckles and looks down, probably watching his fingers resting lightly against Sho's chest, since Sho's doing the same. It's terrifying how it all seems so easy, but also kind of not since Sho knows it won't ever be. They gotta work hard for this, him and Jun, and it's all going to be all worth it.  
  
"You sure about that now?" Jun asks, his voice tinged with barely concealed relief that the sound of it is enough to make Sho fall for him all over again.  
  
He chuckles and worms his arms around Jun to press their bodies closer, peeks down on Jun's cheeks stained with pink even when he is pouting, and thinks, _yeah, I'm really going to find a way to give you the world, Matsumoto-san_.  
  
_Because you deserve it._  
  
_Because I love you._


End file.
